Continuing the story from Alcoholic Pt. 2
So here I was being pushed in a wheelchair into the psychiatric ward of the hospital. It was late at night so everyone was in bed. The night nurse greeted me and he kindly gave me a cigarette because I was craving so badly (I used to chain smoke when I got really upset, but I am proud to say that I have now broken that bad habit). He then proceeded to give me a sleeping pill which I refused to take. I am not a fan of medication and I will avoid it at all costs. I convinced him to let me go to bed without it and he agreed as long as I was asleep by the time he did his rounds. He then escorted me to my room. Upon seeing that there was 2 beds in the room I started to get quite nervous because there would be no way I could sleep with a stranger in the room, he then told that the other person staying in the room was on a day pass so she wouldn’t be back until the next morning. This relieved me quite a bit and I feel asleep very quickly after that.
The next morning I spent a lot of time in bed and drifting in and out of sleep. My parents came to visit me and bring me some clothes and toiletries. I went and had a shower and then slipped into my silk pajamas. My parents then left and said they would be back later.
During this time all I wanted was to get out of that place, I would constantly ask the nurses when I would get to leave and they would always tell me, “As soon as you see the psychiatrist, he will decide what need to be done.” Then my next question would obviously be “Well when can I see him?” and they would reply with “He’s a busy man, we don’t know when he will be down here.”
This would send me into a panic state, I felt trapped and scared, I just wanted to be at home in my own bed. The nurses would talk to me and help me calm down and I really appreciate them for that. I was so stressed that I was unable to eat until lunch came and I only ate that because they made me. I walked around in my pajamas and was told many times that I was allowed to wear normal clothes, but I felt comfortable in them and hell, if I’m in a psych ward might as well act a little crazy!
My parents came back to visit me, I am forever grateful for their never ending support. They stayed with me until the psychiatrist was able to see me which was around 5 pm. I answered a bunch of questions for him, describing as best as I could all the thoughts that plagued me. He then talked with my parents for a while and then invited me back into the room. This is when he told me that I have Borderline Personality Disorder. I had no idea what it was but I was just happy that I was allowed to go home.
When I got out of the hospital I became in contact with The Alcoholic again. He said he was sorry for sending me to the hospital but instead of anger, I was grateful for it because I finally had a diagnosis and a chance for recovery.
After this, I quit my job and The Alcoholic and I moved back into our parents’ places. We continued to date and I spent most of my time over at his place. The fighting continued as usual and got particularly bad again one night at a part of one of his friends place.
The night was going pretty good, but The Alcoholic was starting to get obnoxiously drunk. We started to play darts and he shot over the amount he was supposed to get or something like that. He proceeded to get violently angry with me, telling me that it was my fault and I should have told him how many points he needed. I started crying because I was scared and as you know, I can’t tolerate yelling. I guess my crying made him more upset and he ended up slapping me across the face and spitting on me in front of everyone there. He then left the party and I was by myself being consoled by the other party goers.
That was the last time I dealt with The Alcoholic. It was the final straw, especially since everyone had seen what he had done. It made it much easier to stay away from him because of the strong support system.
The Alcoholic is currently in a relationship with someone who is much closer to his age. The recently had a baby together, adding to her 4 kids and his 1 child that he has with another woman. I feel horrible for this child because I know that The Alcoholic wasn’t there for the one kid he already has, I just hope that history doesn’t repeat itself for the sake of this other child.
Just give me mercy and a minute now. x
Mercy and a Minute Now 